It's FINALLY winter break.
I finished my first semester of college, and possibly had my first failing grades, two of them... i had the most pointless biology class! ugh! The week before finals was the worst! My head was not in the game at all. My head was i a black hole and didn't want to do anything with my life i just couldn't wait for the break to come. It makes me mad. yeah, i failed. waste of money, and i might lose all my scholarship money...but lately i've been having the mind set of not continuing school for awhile. I just want to work, move out, and kinda grow up a little. I wanna get away and focus on other things that have been on my mind. Im lost and confused with what to do. Sure school is probably the best thing for me and i shouldn't stop, and my mom would probably be mad by putting my nursing degree on hold is hard/stupid to her. But to be honest i don't know if i can do it, or if that is even the right thing for me to do anymore. EVERYONE wants to be a nurse and its so hard to be the best with grades, i don't think im that smart and capable of pulling it off. It makes me so upset to think about it. Whenever i think of the future i see me either doing things i want to do or do not want to do......i seriously need a road map to my life.Going to school....but where?
-UVU
-University of Utah
-Utah State
-ASU
-Mohave
Money for school? no idea!
Serving a Mission. Would love that!
Nannying?
CNA?
Traveling.
Staying home with the family.
Working at Tuacahn...NO!
Relationship? Serious or not? no idea!
Rugby...i wanna play!
Should i change my major...? I don't know!
-communications?
-physical therapist assistant?
I hate thinking about my future...it makes me scared and sad! I wish i was still a little kid, life was so much easier and i think i was happier to. I feel like im not making myself the best that i can possibly be, i feel like i have so much weight on my shoulders and i feel like if i mess up i'll be letting down so many other people around me. I feel like a person that is standing in a busy walk way where everyone is going in a fast pace and has a destination, knows what they are doing, where they are going, and what is happening around them. And me, being that person in the middle, i just stand there. And i have no idea what is going on and doesn't know where to take my first step. I thought i did. But know im always second guessing myself.
On a brighter note:
Me and one of my best friends Malia Loo made a wonderful gingerbread house! for our first week of winter break and we had sure a blast! AND this was Malia's fist attempt in making a gingerbread house too! And she did sure a good job:)
-gingerbread house kit
-candy
-icing
-instand snow
-camera
-sweats all day
-messy hair
-no makeup
-lots and lots of smiles!
